Tell Me What You Want Provides A Scientifically Grounded, Non Judgmental Assessment Of Where Things Stand In The Sexual Lives And Fantasies Of Americans With An Open Minded Approach And Fluid Prose, This Book Is Highly Recommended For Anyone Looking For A Road Map Of Where American Sexuality Is At The Moment, And Where Many Americans Would Like To Be Going Soon Christopher Ryan, PhD, Co Author Of The New York Times Bestseller Sex At Dawn Lehmiller S Groundbreaking Book Points To An Alarming Divide Between The Conversations We Re Having About Sex And The Conversation We Should Be Having About Sex It Provides The Nudge We Need To Change The Conversation And, In Doing So, To Live Healthier, Hotter Lives Eli J Finkel, Professor Of Psychology, Northwestern University Most Americans Have Sexual Fantasies About Threesomes, Group Sex, Bondage, Domination, Submission, Forced Sex, Open Relationships And Sex Toys Yet Most Of Us Don T Know This, And Are Too Embarrassed To Reveal What We Really Want To Our Partners Lehmiller S Smart, Warm, Sex Positive Book Breaks The Toxic Silence Around Our Sexual Fantasies Reading It May Be The Best Thing You Ever Do For Your Sex Life, Your Relationships And Your Self Acceptance Geoffrey Miller, Author Of The Mating Mind, Spent, And Mate Have A Deep, Dark Sex Fantasy That You Ve Never Shared With Anyone Turns Out, You Re Not Alone Most People Are Afraid Their Sex Fantasies Are Abnormal, But Justin Lehmiller S Newest Book Reveals That Understanding Your Erotic Imaginings, And Sharing Them With Your Sex Partner Might Be The Best, Healthiest Thing You Do All Year Tell Me What You Want Educates, Titillates, Thrills And Guides Us Down A Marvelous, Sexy Path That Ends In Acceptance Of Those Naughty Secrets In The Basements Of Our Minds David J Ley, PhD Author Of The Myth Of Sex AddictionA Leading Expert On Human Sexuality And Author Of The Blog Sex And Psychology Offers An Unprecedented Look At Sexual Fantasy Based On The Most Comprehensive, Scientific Survey Ever Undertaken


5 thoughts on “Tell Me What You Want: The Science of Sexual Desire and How it Can Help You Improve Your Sex Life (English Edition)

  1. Cody Gough Cody Gough says:

    I respect the scientific research and thought put into writing this book The entire book is based off of the largest study to date on sexual fantasies of Americans.The main takeaway this could be a good educational resource if you have not had very good sexual education But otherwise, it falls short of what I would recommend I really feel it would have been better presented and just as easily digestible as a 2,000 word Atlantic article or written as a publication in a similar other outlet.I actually do recommend this book if you feel ashamed about your sexual identity or fetishes, you have a hard time communicating with their partners about sex, or you don t know a lot about specific sexual taboos, including but not limited to BDSM, group sex, and gender bending cross dressing, for example For sexually conservative or shy Americans, this is an excellent book that could greatly help people better understand their sexuality and what defines being normal, as well as get some ideas for how to communicate in relationships in a healthy way.Having said that, this is not a well written book Specifically, the editing fails spectacularly Honestly, this book should be about half the length it is It is extremely pedantic and nearly every concept is over explained to the point of exhaustion I m not exactly a sexual deviant, but I did not need the level of detail for each fantasy explained this extensively Ask yourself do you need a 6 page primer on what the acronym BDSM stands for If the answer is yes, then you should definitely read this book If not, then this book might not be for you If you need a book that reminds you every 3 4 pages that a specific fantasy is not weird, and okay to have as long as everyone is safe and you aren t hurting anyone, then you should buy this book I, personally, don t need that much coaching Perhaps I drastically over estimate the common sense of most Americans, but to me, the insights gleamed from the giant research study which resulted in this book are interwoven too tightly with what I feel are obvious statements like it s illegal to expose yourself to strangers, and that makes the book frustrating to read.My other problem is that the book advises looking for outlets to help explore certain fantasies like nonmonogamy, group sex, and BDSM, but does not go into detail about any specific meetup groups, dungeons, clubs, sex parties, sex toys, or online communities to facilitate that The author only off handedly mentions FetLife once and does not otherwise point you towards any particular resources to help you find what he says you should look for Every time an interesting point was made or my ears perked up at a research finding, the book failed to follow up with any real details And while specific sexual fantasies from the study are quoted near the beginning of the book, that goes away entirely after the second or third chapter, leaving you with somewhat vague findings The author doesn t even really commit to any of the broad advice given near the end of the book, adding a paragraph long caveat after every single idea that says but this might not work or but I m not saying this is definitely the answer One disclaimer at the beginning of the book could have replaced literally 20 percent of this book that consists entirely of disclaimers I m not exaggerating.Finally, the science is nearly all correlation, and a huge chunk of the causation is speculative The phrase this may be because is everywhere, and even disclaimers are given when the author guesses as to why something might be Granted, some citations are made when explaining concepts rooted in previous research, but this is the exception, not the rule And he also leans on evolutionary biology quite a bit for some claims, which can actually be somewhat contentious in the scientific community So while you ll learn what s normal and what fantasies people have, the science behind it all is a bit smoke and mirrors More research will need to take place before many of the ideas in this book are validated.This review is coming from a relatively liberal young adult with a lot of familiarity in the fields of science and sexuality, so you might love the book if you re not me I hope you find this review helpful, and that future editions fix some of the issues with this first run.


  2. Jeffrey L. Boore Jeffrey L. Boore says:

    I was disappointed in this book and came here to write a critical review However, when I read the review written by Cody Gough, I realized that he expressed my own views eloquently than I was prepared to do Please read and take that review to heart I d add only one criticism The fantasy survey much touted in some reviews pales in comparison to what we have learned from data mining the online viewing habits of hundreds of millions of people as is described in better books.


  3. Moonstruck216 Moonstruck216 says:

    The book is based on survey responses from several thousand people from all walks of life I m not sure how much stock you can place on that The vast majority of people would not take the time to fill out a very long questionnaire of this sort So I don t think you can make broad generalizations from it.The book is much too wordy The author makes some interesting points and observations but he goes on much too long A lot of it deals with BDSM which has zero interest for me I did a lot of skipping over paragraphs I can t say I found the to be as interesting as I thought it would be.


  4. Ari Tuckman Ari Tuckman says:

    Justin Lehmiller created the perfect book on sexual fantasies and, therefore, sexuality in general He based the book on a massive data set which gives him credibility than anybody else out there But, equally importantly, he makes the results readable, interesting, relevant, and useful He slices and dices the data in all sorts of different ways which allows him to extract an amazing variety of lessons I can t even guess at the hours spent poring over the data to learn everything that he did, but the world is a better place for his tireless efforts The only thing better than reading this book is your partner also reading it and then the two of you discussing it.


  5. Mr. U. Stephenson-ward Mr. U. Stephenson-ward says:

    This book really helped me and my cell mate connect on a whole other level I highly recommend it to anyone out there that wants to connect with their cell mate on than a gang level.